We all know the popular stories of how long chickens can run around without their heads or how frogs can keep kicking after being killed, but have you heard about the mother who lasted 2 years without a heart? She didn’t believe it was possible either, but here she is 730 days later, still waking up and pushing through the days, despite the gaping hole in her chest. A medical mystery.
There are so many parts of me that died with Greyson that day, two years ago. Parts that I will never get back. And one of those parts, feels to be my heart. The gruesome ripping of my heart out of my chest the moment I heard the words, “no heart beat” to the following days where each cell and nerve were slowly severed one by one with a dull, rusty and serrated knife, couldn’t have possibly left me with anything else to work with. Only, I’ve heard the saying before, that grief is just immense love with no where to go. So, is it possible to love without a heart? There have been many moments where someone is talking to me about their miniscule problem, as if it matters, while I am screaming in my head, “WHO FUCKING CARES?! I LOST MY SON, NONE OF YOUR PROBLEMS COMPARE!!”, and I feel like the old Janet, the one with the big heart, no longer lives here anymore. I remember telling my mom about these feelings, and she told me not to let my grief destroy my empathy. To not let this hurt overcome my heart for others. I didn’t have it in me to tell her the truth. I had in fact lost my heart. It died alongside my son. Things don’t make me cry like they used to. I don’t stress as much as I used to. And I no longer fear death. I already died on November 7th, 2021. The rest of this shell that is wandering around the earth, is just waiting to be reunited with my heart, my son.
So, put me in the Guinness books and put me on display. A medical mystery. The woman who lives without a heart.
Janet & Co. 